


Hate Dates Take Practice

by AlwaysTired



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Black Romance, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-02
Updated: 2015-01-02
Packaged: 2018-03-04 23:28:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3096557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlwaysTired/pseuds/AlwaysTired
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sollux and Eridan go on a hate date. They aren't too good at the whole "interacting in public" thing, though, and their auspicetice has to intervene.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hate Dates Take Practice

This dinner date is surprisingly cordial compared to the last two, both of which had ended in violence. They're still young, trying to figure out where the line should be drawn when they're in public. Maybe the civility of this dinner is because they're quick learners, though a more likely cause is the fact that Karkat, their auspistice, is on a hate date of his own across the courtyard, occasionally glancing over to make sure everything is going alright.

Eridan and Sollux start the meal out with haggling over what they're going to buy.

"Sol, don't get that, I don't like chicken," Eridan whines.

"Why the fuck would I base my decision off of your preferences?" Sollux spits.

"Maybe because you care so damn much about me?" Eridan suggests sarcastically.

"Shut your trap, I'm ordering this. What're you getting?" Sollux says.

"None a your business," Eridan answers.

"Whatever, I don't really care anyway," Sollux mutters.

Their conversation was oddly quiet when considering their atmosphere. 

They sit in a large outdoor courtyard that had started out decades ago as a normal courtyard, but had soon caught on as a popular place for kismesis to eat or hang out together. 

There are a few picnic tables scattered about, some with pairs sitting and aggressively playing games. Most people are being very loud. There are two different eating places to choose from. Some pairs had arguments about which place to go to, but Eridan and Sollux are both in complete agreement for once. The two eating establishments are almost completely the same, but the two sell rival brands of fizzy drink, both of which are extremely popular, and the two both like the same brand. Therefore, that is where they plan to go.

As they get in line, Sollux catches Karkat glancing at them and scowls.

"What's got your panties in a bunch?" Eridan asks, noticing the sour look on Sollux's face.

"KK's over there watching us like we're some sort of romantic comedy, it's throwing me off," Sollux grumps.

"Throwin you off a what?" Eridan asks.

"My A game, obviously." Sollux replies.

"Wow, this is your fuckin A game? Pathetic," Eridan sneers.

"Yeah, whatever, that response is exactly the one I'm trying to get, idiot, so clearly I'm not doing too badly," Sollux says, chuckling. Eridan makes a face at this, then watches Karkat. After a few moments Karkat looks up at him, and instead of quickly looking away, he holds eye contact, raising an eyebrow at Eridan, as if he's daring him to do something. 

"See?" Sollux says as Eridan stares right back at Karkat, not about to be the one to give in first. At Karkat's side, Equius is talking animatedly, while Karkat pays no attention. Equius visibly sighs, poking Karkat to regain his attention, and says something probably along the lines of, "Did you hear anything I just said?" As Karkat vehemently shakes his head yes, Equius stiffens and, yup, they start arguing. Sollux laughs.

"Ehehe, that's what he fucking gets for stalking us," he gloats.

The two stand to get in the short line, and they realize that money will have to be handed over. Immediately they start bickering, with Sollux taking the stance that such a rich guy should pay, and Eridan bemoaning the fact that he'd paid for the last two meals. 

Soon their hands are on each other's throats, both of them wordlessly threatening to choke the other, an intense game of chicken going down. It's swiftly cut short by the sound of a throat clearing.

Some random troll kid stands behind the counter looking completely fed-up, glaring at them expectantly. Slowly, awkwardly, they pull their hands back to their sides in a weirdly synchronized motion.

"Sol, you can go first," Eridan offers.

"Wait, what? Why?" Sollux asks, surprised by the politeness of the offer.

"It's called bein a fuckin gentleman, something you wouldn't understand, bein filth an all," Eridan shoots back. Sollux shoved Eridan offhandedly, but quickly orders, seeing the cashier raise his eyebrows at him in annoyance.

"Sorry about him, he's got no manners to speak of," Sollux apologizes for Eridan after ordering.

"What the hell, Sol, I just fuckin showed you I got manners!" Eridan huffs.

"Seriously, language, c'mon, this poor guy doesn't want to hear your shitty language- I mean, bad language," Sollux tries to chide.

"You don't control me, you disgusting hypocrite!" Eridan hisses. The guy behind the counter growls and points at the cash register, trying to get Eridan back on task. Eridan remembers himself and orders.

Sollux glances at him hopefully just in time to see Eridan pulling his wallet out of his pocket. As money is handed to the cashier, Sollux smiles gleefully.

"What's wrong with your face?" Eridan asks.

"It's a fucking smile, though I can understand why you wouldn't be able to recognize it," Sollux says.

"Yeah, well, it's creepy, quit it," Eridan grumps.

"Yeah, sorry that my facial expressions aren't fucking pleasing you, your highness," Sollux shot back. As they bicker, their food arrives. They take it and begin walking to the nearest picnic table. Sollux shoots out his free hand and pulls Eridan, who's griping, past several picnic tables, closer to where Karkat and Equius are. 

"What the fuck, Sol, quit it! I don't wanna sit anywhere near them," Eridan whines, and Sollux hits him on the arm and sits.

"Shut up, they'll hear you! KK'll get mad at us," Sollux whispers. "Just eat your damn food."

Eridan sits opposite Sollux, and starts scarfing down his food. Sollux sighs at the display.

"This is what I meant by you having no manners," Sollux mutters, and starts to eat. Eridan pauses.

"I am a fuckin pinnacle of good manners. You would be hard pressed to find someone as thoroughly couth as I am," Eridan protests. Sollux laughs.

"Hilarious," he says between laughing. "Dude, are you already done eating?" Eridan probably has two or three bites left.

"Almost," he says, and takes the two or three bites and eats it all in one swallow. Sollux grimaces. "Ugh, still hungry," Eridan mopes, and he eyes Sollux's food.

"Don't even think about it," Sollux warns, but it's too late, Eridan's hand is already grabbing away some of his food. "Asshole!" Sollux shouted, startled, snaking his arm out to catch Eridan's right before the food enters his mouth. They pause for a moment, staring at each other intensely, and Eridan slowly moves his head forward closer to the food. Sollux pulls his hand away at the exact same speed. Out of the corner of his eye, Sollux can see Karkat watching out of the corner of his own eye. Eridan notices Sollux losing concentration for that half-second, and surges forward, gulping the bit of food down.

"You piece of shit! Go get more food if you're still hungry!" Sollux exclaims, standing up in his seat, his hand still practically glued to Eridan's wrist. Eridan yelps as he's pulled up by him. He regains his balance, leans forward toward Sollux, getting into his personal space as much as he can with the picnic table between them, wrinkling his nose at him. He pushes forward and kisses Sollux hard, and slides his free hand forward, grabbing another piece of food. Promptly he pulls back and pops it into his mouth.

"Hey, that isn't fair," Sollux complains, pushing Eridan backwards. The seat of the picnic table is all that keeps him from falling over, but his arm shoots out on instinct, grabbing Sollux's shirt to steady himself. That causes Sollux to fall forward, narrowly avoiding landing on his food, and he hisses. His fist flies out, connecting with Eridan's stomach, and Sollux stands. He grabs Eridan's scarf and pulls him forward menacingly. Their hands find each other's shoulders, and they grapple for a few moments, until they realize it's gotten quieter. They awkwardly sit, and glance guiltily at Karkat. Karkat is glaring at them, and Equius is gaping.

"How 100d. Vantas, shouldn't you be taking care of this," he said, not quite inflected like a question. Karkat hastily elbowed him.

"Shove it, I've got this covered," he replied, standing. He approached the pair angrily. He slammed his hands loudly on the picnic table, which shook. His voice came out as more of a hiss than a shout.

"For fucks sake, if you're gonna brawl do it in private! Everybody's staring. Can't you assholes just try not to reflect poorly on me for one fucking evening? Just one? God, you're so inconsiderate, can't you see I'm on a date, too? Why the hell do I even auspistice for you idiots, I mean, really, just eat your food in peace, or I swear to god I will let you both spiral into whatever pits you'd be in without me." As Karkat spoke, his voice raised from a hiss to an all-out screech. The moment he finishes with his tirade, he stomps back to Equius.

"Well damn, maybe we should go," Sollux mutters.

"Whatever," Eridan said, standing and striding off. Sollux sighs heavily and follows him, chewing on his food.

"Are we gonna fuck?" Sollux calls after him.

"Shut the fuck up," Eridan responds. Sollux smirks.


End file.
